Those of you eager to learn how Paris Hilton is related to Elizabeth Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor should direct your attention to today's Indianapolis (Ind.) Star. 
Wikipedia has a bit more information. Brian Hines revealed last year his own Paris connection.
Unfortunately, Conrad Hilton was the son of a Norwegian immigrant, and is not related to the Hiltons who settled early in New Hampshire, from whom I am descended. My closest connection to obscene wealth is through my great-grandfather Elton L. Dunham, who was the second-cousin of Henry Solomon Wellcome.
Who was he? Well, an exhibition at the British Museum is dedicated to him. He was a physician, and helped found Burroughs Wellcome & Co. in England to import American pharmaceuticals. His wife having run off with British novelist Somerset Maugham, and having no children, Henry left his company and estate of about £3,000,000 to the Wellcome Trust, now "the world's largest medical research charity," in 1936. You might know the Burroughs Wellcome company by its current name: GlaxoSmithKline, whose annual earnings would make Conrad Hilton blush.
But, as my father bemoans, our ancestors were generally of the dirt-farmer variety, and no hefty checks are forthcoming from long-lost cousins. On the bright side, we don't have to hang our heads in shame whenever Paris speaks.
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