A Breakthrough in Skinhead Genealogy

For too long genealogists have been encumbered by demands for "proof" and "intelligibility." Now, one of America's premier racist organizations has devised an easier way to trace one's ancestry.

On Tuesday, The Nationalist Movement (link intentionally omitted; here's one to the ADL instead) issued the following statement on the heritage of Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers:

The genealogy of the nominee has been as vacuous as the record has been undistinguished. However, Miers' physical resemblance to Golda Mier, the late prime-minister of Israel, is telling, as well as the similarity in name. "Miers" is an uncommon spelling, which could be derived from "Meyers," a common Jewish name.

The implications of this research strategy are obvious. We can now safely assume that Harriet Miers, sausage king Oscar Mayer, Halloween killer Michael Myers, and HBO host Bill Maher are all related, and probably attend the same synagogue.

The case for physical similarity is also compelling. The Movement's statement notes that Miers resembles not only Golda Meir, but also Madeleine Albright and Betty Freidan— resemblances which reveal both her ancestry and her political views. Upon hearing this news, the scientists at The Genographic Project will undoubtedly abandon their DNA research and focus their attention on the burgeoning science of stereotypology.

Even those left unpersuaded by the Movement's impeccable reasoning can learn an important lesson from these ignorant thugs: Learn to recognize your enemies.