Friday, December 16, 2005

Top Ten Worst Ways to Honor an Ancestor

10. Scatter his ashes in the lobby of the crematorium.

9. Name a kidney stone after him.

8. Spruce up his burial place with Christmas lights.

7. Carve his name into your neighbor's windshield.

6. Erect a statue depicting his triumph over syphilis.

5. Prop him up on the porch swing each Halloween.

4. Wear his death mask to the family reunion.

3. Write a limerick that commemorates his youthful antics in Nantucket.

2. Finish off his hit list.

1. Marry his widow.

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