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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Don't Fear the Reaper

In an effort to scare the bejeezus out of his readers, Dick Eastman offers a link to The Death Test—a chance to determine with scientific exactitude the precise year of one's demise.

The best part of the test is the medical history questionnaire, which asks if you or your family have a history of depravity, ugliness, or gun ownership. Fortunately, my family suffers from only two of the three.

I'm not sure why they ask how often you've "Held in your farts" or "Worn the same pants two weeks straight." Do these factors lengthen or shorten one's lifespan? Should I change my pants more often?

As for me, I'll be around until 2050—just enough time to see if my predictions come true. In the meantime, I'll be working on my family history, and filling in my relatives' death dates in advance.

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