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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Frozen Out of the Census

New Zealand has threatened to fine anyone who tries to dodge the census taker. But Graeme Cairns (d.b.a. "Laird McGillicuddy") has made a career of doing just that.

In 1986, the Laird "claimed he was possessed by the spirit of an ancient ape creature and was no longer legally a person." It didn't work.

In 1991, he filled out the census form in Latin and nailed it to a tree, Martin-Luther style. He was again prosecuted, but a High Court judge ultimately ruled that Latin was indeed a valid language.

Five years later, he ascended in a hot-air balloon above Garden Place in Hamilton, and successfully claimed to be outside of New Zealand's air space.

And in 2001, he was just out of town, tending to a sick friend.

This year, Cairns has really outdone himself. He had himself cryogenically frozen for 12 hours and declared legally dead—as judged by his medical entourage, Dr. Freeze, Dr. Snakes, Dr. Beere, Dr. Weeds, and Dr. Qualified.

"It's happening before your very eyes," reassured Dr Qualified, a graduate of the University of Scott Base. "So it must be.

"We have frozen him to minus 175C, or any other number you care to name. He's out cold, as it were. We don't understand all that legal stuff, we just freeze him." [Link]

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