Monday, March 13, 2006

The Queen of Pop and the Consort of Last Resort

Madonna was reportedly "stunned" to learn of the findings of "infamous genealogist" William Addams Reitwiesner, who a few years ago linked the singer to Camilla Parker-Bowles and Celine Dion.

Reitwiesner explained: "Camilla and Madonna are both descended from Zacharie Cloutier, who lived from 1617 to 1708.

"And Camilla and Celine descend from Jean Guyon, who lived from 1619 to 1694.

"Both Jean and Zacharie died in Chateau-Richer, Quebec. Because of their unusual French-Canadian ancestry, they are all blood relations. Madonna is absolutely fascinated by this."
Upon learning this, I immediately went over to to see what other celebrities Madonna resembles. Not surprisingly, she's a 78% match to herself, and a near match to beauties like Marilyn Monroe, Uma Thurman, and Marlene Dietrich. Camilla, on the other hand, is a 76% match to herself, and a 67% match to Patrick Stewart. It seems that those genes which account for beauty are not the ones shared by Camilla and Madonna.

But love is blind—especially when the perceiver's tastes have been shaped by centuries of inbreeding:
"Madonna had lunch with Prince Charles at Highgrove a few years ago. He said she reminded him of Camilla because they’re both very particular about their home decor and clothes. So he spotted the link before them." [Link]
Update: Madonna would perhaps appreciate Reitwiesner's 1995 monograph, "The Lesbian ancestors of Prince Rainier of Monaco, Dr. Otto von Habsburg, Brooke Shields, and the Marquis de Sade."

Update: Turns out Celine looks kind of like Madonna, too.

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