Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Dinner With the Dunhams

Guest List
Lemuel Dunham — Chris' 3rd-great-grandfather.

Moses Dunham — Chris' 4th-great-grandfather, and father of Lemuel.

Samuel Dunham — Chris' 8th-great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather of Moses.

Deacon John Dunham — The immigrant ancestor, Chris' 9th-great-grandfather, and father of Samuel.

Chris: I'm glad you all could come tonight, what with the weather and all.

Lemuel: Not nearly as cold as 1816. Snow on the ground in June. Never been so cold.

Moses: Lord, what a pansy I raised! Why, when I served in the Continental Army—

Lemuel: There he goes with his "I'm a hero of the Revolution" bit. You know, you're not the only one who fought for his country.

Moses: That's right, I forgot about your days guzzling rum with the boys in the militia.

Lemuel: We saw some action!

Moses: Oh yes, you marched all the way to Portland in 1814 to thwart the British invasion. How did that turn out, Lem?

(Lemuel is silent.)

Moses: I'll tell you how it turned out. You spent two weeks marching and swilling liquor and never was a shot fired.

Lemuel (menacingly): Shut your mouth, old man.

Moses: You hear how he talks to me? If I hadn't been crippled in the war I'd have knocked some sense into you long ago. Why don't you tell them about your wife, Lem? Oh, she was a prize. Mother of a bastard and knocked up when you married her.

Lemuel: Don't you talk about my Molly that way! And you don't have to pretend you're crippled. There's no one here from the pension office.

Chris: Guys, please! You're making the other guests nervous!

Deacon John: Don't mind me, I've heard worse. You should have heard the rows we had back in Plymouth. Not a week went by that John and Priscilla Alden weren't throwing punches at each other. Chris, I must tell Abigail about this wonderful food. What do you call it?

Chris: Totino's Pizza Rolls.

Deacon John: Really, you must give her the recipe.

Chris: Sure ... Sam, are you feeling all right?

Samuel: Yes, yes, I must have the flu.

Deacon John: The flu? Are you sure it wasn't the eight beers you had on the ride over?

Samuel: It wasn't eight beers. Seven, maybe.

Deacon John: Yes, there's my pride and joy. All those years I spent as deacon of the Plymouth church, and he goes and gets himself excommunicated for being a drunkard. How do you think that makes me feel?

Samuel: I was never good enough for you!

Deacon John: Truer words were never spoken.

Samuel: Do you know how hard it was to measure up? You were a deacon, for God's sake! I don't know—maybe if you'd come on the Mayflower things would have been different.

Deacon John: I missed the boat! How many times do I have to explain that?

Samuel: Yeah, you missed the boat, all right. You could have been a "Mayflower Pilgrim." You could have been famous. I could have been famous!

Lemuel: Sam, be cool.

Samuel: Yeah, I'm OK.

Lemuel: Let's get out of here. There must be a bar open.

Samuel: Yeah, let's go.

(Samuel and Lemuel leave.)

Chris: Well, it looks like I'm out of pizza rolls.

Deacon John: Sorry.

Chris: No problem. I think I have some waffles in the freezer.

Deacon John (putting on his coat): Don't trouble yourself. I really have to be getting along.

Moses (also preparing to leave): Can I bum a ride?

Deacon John: You bet. So long, Chris!

Chris: Thanks for coming! Come back anyt—

(Door slams.)

Bill West

See, THIS is why I didn't invite
Sam or John to my place.

Pizza rolls, eh?

Dang, wish I'd thought of a nuked dinner!

Megan Smolenyak Smolenyak

Wow, if this is what you come up with when you're awake, I can't imagine what your dreams are like! What a twisted time romp! Thanks for letting us be hidden guests at your dinner. -- Megan



I hear the sound of bodies rolling over in their graves.



I loved this! I often wish I could sit down and listen to my 19th century Brooklyn rabble-rousing relatives rumble with each other...

Charley "Apple" Grabowski

LOL. I was planning on inviting my brickwall ancestors to my dinner but I doubt they'll be this much fun.

M. Diane Rogers

Excellent - everybody must have a set of these relatives somewhere!


If I could sit down with anyone, all four of my choices would be my maternal great-grandparents: Francois GALLIPEAU and Armina DUPUIS, and Patrick SHELLEY and Mary Madison.

1) So Francois, exactly when did you arrive in Massachusetts, who are your parents, and what happened to you after 1907? Where did you go?

2) Armina, where did you and Francois meet and marry? Who are your parents?

3) Patrick, when did you come to America? What happened to you after your daughter Mary was born?

4) Mary, where did you meet and marry Patrick? Who are your parents and where are they from?
What happened to you after Mary was born?

Basically-- why are you all HIDING from me? Where did you go, and why can't I find ANY of you in the censuses?

Oh, and Grampa? Where are you and Gramms in 1930? I know where you were living-- cousin P has her dad's birth certificate- you were on XX street two weeks before the census. Why aren't you enumerated?


The conversation sounds like the
Superbowl Party that was going
on next door! Pizza Rolls, Bars
and Beer! LOL

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