Tuesday, April 08, 2008

How to Invent a Relative

Genealogical research can be really, really hard, but I've found a way to make it easy and fun. The trick is to create your relatives from scratch.

  1. Give him a name — To avoid suspicion, don't use silly made-up names like "Kiefer" or "Barack."
  2. Grab a picture of somebody else and make it look old — "Hey, my great-grandfather looked like Jack Nicholson!"
  3. Borrow some good anecdotes — "Remember the time he shared a hot tub with Kissinger?"
  4. Write fake news items about him — A couple of wedding announcements, an article on his DUI arrest and an obituary will put flesh on his artificial bones.
  5. Give him a proper burial — You don't want this guy showing up at reunions, so make sure he's good and dead!
Update: Terry Thornton has shown incredibly poor judgment by actually following my advice.


After all, FakeFamily.com was a great site, wasn't it?

tami osmer glatz

This is great! I knew there was an easier way. Besides, courthouses smell old, ya know? and who wants to muddy their shoes in an icky old cemetery. Now I can probably document my ancestry all the way back to Adam. I just need to soak some of the pre-flood documents for that realistic effect.

Terry Thornton


GROVER PHINEAS "Gro-hiney" THORNTON thanks you for showing the world that the line between history and fiction just got a tad more blurred!

And I thank you for letting me waste an afternoon inventing GROVER. I'm sorta beginning to like this new relative. LOL!

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