Shrinkage Can Occur

The Nordic Battlegroup has chopped off the penis of the lion emblazoned on its coat of arms.

[H]eraldic artist Vladimir A Sagerlund was dismayed at what he viewed as an alarming lack of historical awareness. In former times, he said, coats of arms containing lions without genitalia were given to those who betrayed the Swedish Crown.

And as Sagerlund's colleague points out, the heraldry unit would have no qualms about making alterations to the original image if requested to do so by the military.

"We could make the dimensions a bit smaller, for example. Once we were commissioned to create a similar symbol for Swedish Customs. When they thought it was a bit much they sent it back to us and we just shrank the organ," said [Henrik] Klackenberg. [Link]

[Thanks, Nancy!]

What's the Bear Hiding Down There?

A controversy has erupted in Madrid over the sex of "El Oso"—the bear which has long been the symbol of the Spanish capital. The Madrid Women's Council insists that El Oso is "una osa." The city's coat of arms depicts the bear looking up a tree, but the relevant parts of its anatomy are not shown.

The Director of the Matirtense Heraldic and Geneology Royal Academy, Faustino Menéndez Pidal de Navascués, told El Mundo that they are not veterinarians, and therefore cannot decide the sex of the bear. [Link]

Aristocratic Monkey Business

Californian Paul FitzGerald has lost his 30-year battle to be the 9th Duke of Leinster.

The attempt by Mr FitzGerald of San Francisco to claim the titles had been masterminded by his Aunt Theresa Caudhill, who claimed she was acting on her father’s deathbed wishes.

In her evidence she argued that a switch of identities had led to her father Desmond - the rightful heir who settled in America - being frozen out of the family during the Great War. [Link]

Desmond was thought to have died in the war while serving with the Irish Guards, but secretly (so the story goes) slipped off to Canada, where—like most immigrants—he "was supported by a trust fund and worked as a polo instructor."

Apropos of nothing, this is how the family chose its coat of arms:

The coat of arms of the Dukes of Leinster derives from the legend that John FitzGerald, 1st Earl of Kildare, as a baby in Woodstock Castle, was trapped in a fire when a monkey rescued him. The FitzGeralds then adopted a monkey as their crest, and occasionally use the additional motto Non immemor beneficii (Not forgetful of a helping hand). [Link]

Cat Phobia Rampant in Scotland

Scotsman.com has an article today on Scottish clan mottoes, the best of which is given in a caption:

The motto of the Clan MacPherson with its modern-day translation urging its clanspeople to "Touch not the cat without a glove". [Link]

The MacBeans are even warier of felines, urging us to "Touch not the cat without a shield."

More animal insights may be found here, such as "The eagle does not catch flies," "Flying, I despise reptiles," and "Dinna waken sleeping dogs"—surely a variant of the perennially popular "Never wake a sleeping baby."

What a Beautiful Chest—I Mean Crest

Stephanie Ogilvie at the Roanoke Times has some skeletons in her closet: the kind of skeletons that make genealogy worthwhile.

Our ancestry is Scottish, and the Ogilvie clan crest is — and I'm not making this up — a naked, buxom woman chained to an iron cage.

Classy.

Then there's the transvestite tightrope walker.

Apparently my grandmother was the youngest child of an American-style Von Trapp family (a la "Sound of Music"), and they traveled the South during the Great Depression, singing and performing circus tricks. Her father just happened to dress as a woman during his daring act.

Well, this explains a lot. [Link]